Letter of Introduction (posted January 20)
Hello there!
My name is Katie Vande and I am a junior at Roosevelt, which I assume you already knew. I've never really been asked to write about myself. I mean, of course I've gotten those essays like "write about an experience in your past which has affected you the most" and things like that but never a letter of introduction. I'm not going to lie, it's kind of awkward because I really don't know what to write. So I guess I'll just start with this. I have blonde hair(for now) and brown eyes. My family consists of my parents(obviously), my brother who is twelve and my sister who is six. They mean the world to me, especially my siblings because we've been through a lot together. Also, I'm into music and I got a guitar last year for Christmas but it's slow going because I don't take lessons, I'm learning it all by myself. I also golf for Roosevelt, which comes as a surprise to many of my peers and my closest friends make fun of me for it but I enjoy it so i don't really care. :)
Some of the classes I'm taking are AP English, physics and all the regular classes I should be taking, plus a senior class so I can get it out of the way and have less classes next year. I was in choir since freshman year and last semester but i got bored of that. Last year i was enrolled at Central Campus to take a Marine Biology course, which I absolutely loved. Learning about fish and aquatic life may not be interesting to most people but it's what I'm passionate about. I even went on a trip to the Bahamas over spring break and that was absolutely amazing. We scuba dived, snorkeled, stayed three days in a boat and about four days on land in cabins. We kayaked and swam and I came away with so many incredible stories from that trip. I cannot wait to go again this year! Currently I am in Aquarium Science, which is the next step up after Marine Bio, and I LOVE it. After I graduate, I am going to Florida for college to learn more about the field and hopefully go into it although I'm not really sure what exactly I want to do in the field.
But anyways, this semester I hope to gain a lot of insight from you on how to improve my writing because as you can see, I'm not very organized. I also need help with my diction which is a weak point for me. I really hope you can help me and I hope we enjoy our time together and learn some things from one another!
Sincerely,
Katie Vande :)
Hey Katie!
I'm so glad to hear from you! My name is Elizabeth, but most people just call me Liz. I am a senior at Drake majoring in English and looking forward to graduating this spring. I must admit I'm a bit intimidated by your interest in marine biology, it's awesome that you have a passion for something so complex and I wish you the very best of luck in pursuing what you love. I have always found writing to be my creative outlet and I try to write a little bit everyday and am very interested in learning what your take on writing is. Though I have a love for writing, I am very new to teaching and editing other peoples' writing. I have always seen writing as a very peronal experience and I don't think its fair to critique or change one's writing style if its not reflective of the writer. With that being said, I will do my best in helping you progress as a writer and I think we will both learn a lot from eachother this semester.
I work at a thrift store in East Village and absolutely adore my job. It's such a blast going through people's old clothes and antiques, I could not have asked for a better part-time gig. I love reading, watching movies (I'm a sucker for cheesy, old-time movies), thrifting, writing, and ofcourse spending time with my family and friends. I have a 19 year old sister who is an absolute blast to hang out with. We are completely different, but for some reason that makes us so much closer. My parents are a wonderful couple that I owe a great deal of appreciation for all that they have done for me. Growing up I was a gymnast for about twelve years but had to quit due to a back injury. Im very interested in hearing about your high school experience because I think I missed out on a lot in highschool. I was always either at the gym or doing schoolwork, it kind of sucked. I think thats enough about me. I am so excited to meet you and am very greatful for this opportunity.
Best Wishes,
Liz Roan Personal Reflection on Topic of Inquiry(posted RHS January 27 -- 171 January 29)
I’ve often been told that writing can be difficult unless you write about something familiar to you, and that is what I’ve found to be true over the years. So just as a warning to you, I am writing about something very near and dear to my heart and I hope this is not too much for you to read or too heavy a thing to know about me because although it is a very close thing to me, it does not define me. It has however, made me the person I am today.I have always been very opposed to being in hospitals. Now stop, because I know what you're thinking. "What an odd way to start an essay! Doesn't everyone share a common dislike of hospitals?" You would think so. Well that being said, I absolutely hate them. The sterile environment with their fake happy wallpaper covering the walls in calming colors like blue and green doesn't cover up my incredible hatred for the place. Now don't take this the wrong way. I dislike the place but the people inside however, are incredible. They work magic.Now in my case, I have never had a surgery and the worst thing I have ever had to get was stitches. It is not me that I have been to the hospital for. It's my little sister, Lily. Lily was born with a very uncommon birth defect similar to a cleft palate. Her defect was on her lower mouth and jaw called a midline cleft of her mandible(or lower jaw bone). This is very rare and doctors will never see this again in their lifetime. When she was born, her jaw didn't connect at the bottom and so her bottom lip was in a V shape. Although it was a defect, I still saw her as beautiful.After my sister was born, she had a normal baby's life for the first six months. She had her milk out of a special bottle but that was the only thing different than what regularly happens with kids at that age. Around Christmas time though, she had her first surgery. It was ten and a half hours and the doctor, Dr. Franks, worked a miracle that not many other surgeons could have done and not many normal people would understand. He did work on her jaw, chin, tongue and trachea with bone and skin grafts. That day, I had school and yes, my parents made me go. Right after school, my grandma picked me up and we went right to the hospital, where my sister was still in surgery. After the long hours of waiting, my sister finally got out of the operating room to go to the recovery room. I didn't get to see her until she got to her room in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, or PICU for short to those who spend enough time in there like my sister and my family. When I finally saw her, I was scared. Granted, I was in fifth grade but seeing all the tubes, the IV and her mouth area was really shocking to me and I started to cry. That was, and still is, the worst part about her surgeries. I hate seeing my sister in so much pain even though it’s for her benefit.Within the month that she was in the hospital, she was moved from the PICU down the hallway, the the Pediatric Care Unit that was less intensive. She was given freedom to play in the toy room and move around as much as she was able to. After about a month, we all got to go home. My sister had a feeding tube and needed regular bandage changes and things like that for her chin/neck area. A lot of responsibility was then put on me to help around the house which I was glad to do if it helped my parents out. After that surgery, there have been five other minor surgeries involving work with her tongue, scar tissue and other things that I don’t quite remember or understand. My sister is now six years old and is still the most beautiful, happy little girl I have ever seen in my life. I honestly love her more than anything and sometimes that is a scary thing to let yourself do.You may ask yourself, as I have many times, “How do you stay strong through all of this, what helps you through it?” I do have a stronghold that I have found to be a great thing in my life for times when my sister has her surgeries and that is God. Now stop again, don’t think about this statement because many times I have been judged on my faith. I don’t want to lecture you about God or tell you what to believe because as with all humans, my belief in Him is very shaky at times and I’m not one to convert anyone to any religion. It’s not my place. However, I was raised in a Catholic household and went to a Catholic school for the majority of my time in school and was always told there was a God and not to doubt it. I did doubt though. Who are these people telling me what to believe and what not to believe? What right do they have? I honestly did not believe it. I was cynical from day one. The time I really started to believe there was a God was the night after Lily’s first surgery. I prayed and prayed all day, hoping everything would come out okay and it did. Now maybe the success of the surgery and all of those to come after wasn’t due to God at all but to the surgeons but I have to say, I think he had his hand in it a little bit. My baby sister is a miracle straight from him and I know that were it not for him, she would not be the happy blessing that she is today.I still have a long time left to fully develop my faith and what I really believe because as you know, everything is not what it seems. I do, at times of hardships, doubt that there is a God and curse him for the things that are brought upon me or that I bring upon myself. I am not perfect in any way and I still have to explore what I believe. Right now I believe in God, but a lot of the time I struggle with that. So here is the real question I ask myself on occasion when I start thinking deeply about things. God or no God, what keeps me the strong young woman I am today?
Katie,
I really enjoyed reading your piece, I think you do a terrific job interacting with the reader. Like you, I enjoy writing as if I were having a conversation with the person reading my writing. Your story is a remarkable one and it must have been a very hard time for you and your family. With that being said I think you should further describe how painful and scary this was for you as her older sister. When you mention the great deal of responsibility you had to take on made me wonder what exactly you had to endure and what you felt at the time. As a young girl, I'm sure this experience was extremely overwhelming and confusing which is why I think you should make it a main focus in your piece. I also wondered about the rarity of her birth defect and why exactly doctors would never encounter it again. I think by further explaining her rare condition and tying in your experience as the older sister would make your piece even stronger. I'm not sure you need so much information on your faith. I think that you should definitely mention it's effect on you and your experience, but I think it might also take the focus away from your story.
Again, I think you did a great job and I look forward to meeting you tomorrow!Liz
Rough Draft Definition (posted RHS February 3 -- 171 February 5)
A note: Mr. Johnson, Mrs. Lange or Liz, being the first to post this, i have no idea if I'm hitting the prompt for this correctly so please please please correct me if I'm wrong! I also need help with going deeper into this topic so any feedback or advice from anyone would be great, and my rough draft is not all that good. But anyways! Help?! Thank you :)
What exactly is fear? Fear is something humans and animals alike experience throughout life and is a common emotion. The definition of fear that came from google is "an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat." Im not sure how reliable a source google is, maybe instead provide a definition from a legitimate site. When people experience this emotion, a lot of the time heart rate is increased and thoughts fly by in their mind. Although, some people enjoy fear in ways you wouldn't expect. People ride roller coasters, which can give off a sense of fear and adrenaline. An article I read online states that "people use horror movies to stimulate fear which in turn creates pleasure due to the fact that the fear is in the confines of safety". Can you provide a personal anecdote on how fear has been somewhat exhilerating for you to better explain how fear can be understood as a way for people to feel pleasure? Haunted houses put on around Halloween time are also used for that purpose. I think what you are trying to say is that fear is ultimately undefinable as it takes on so many meanings and depends on the person or situation. With that being said I really like that you chose "fear" as the focus of your definititon paper. I think it will give you a lot to write about because it is so universally different between people.
Everyone feels fear and everyone interprets and deals with it differently. Which is why fear is so interesting. Some people are afraid of silly things like the dark(like me) and some people are afraid of much heavier things like love and trusting people.What makes your fear of the dark inferior to the fear of love or trust? It's not an easy emotion to feel and cope with because usually along with fear comes pain whether it be physical or emotional. Expand further, what are some more ways that people experience fear both emotionally and physically?
Fear to me, however, is not dangerous or a threat. Fear to me is seeing my friends in pain and going through things I know I can't do anything about but be there for them. Fear is seeing my sister in the hospital, with tubes and IV's connected to her. Fear is not being able to help the people I care for the most. I have gone through plenty of things and have learned that you can't always help people, all you can do is be there for them. That is definitely the scariest thing of all. Great! Katie,
Great work! I am really glad that you chose to write about fear as I believe it is truly a human emotion that is the most interesting. I think you are off to a great start here, I would just recommend elaborating on the different types of fear that people experience and maybe provide examples from your own experience. I think your last paragraph gave the most information about you as the writer who has experienced a type of fear that many of us have never had to experience. When you reveal a bit of yourself in your writing, I feel better connected to you and can sympathize and learn from your experiences.
-Liz Hi, Katie! This is Ms. Lange -- you are posting this perfectly. Thanks so much for getting it up early :) !
Revision Definition (posted RHS February 10 -- 171 February 12 )
What exactly is fear? Fear is something humans and animals alike experience throughout life and is a common emotion. The definition of fear that came from google is "an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat." When people experience this emotion, a lot of the time heart rate is increased and thoughts fly by in their mind. Although, some people enjoy fear in ways you wouldn't expect. People ride roller coasters, which can give off a sense of fear and adrenaline. An article I read online states that "people use horror movies to stimulate fear which in turn creates pleasure due to the fact that the fear is in the confines of safety". Haunted houses put on around Halloween time are also used for that purpose.
Everyone feels fear and everyone interprets and deals with it differently. Some people are afraid of silly things like the dark(like me) and some people are afraid of much heavier things like love and trusting people.? It's not an easy emotion to feel and cope with because usually along with fear comes pain whether it be physical or emotional.
Fear to me, however, is not dangerous or a threat. Fear to me is seeing my friends in pain and going through things I know I can't do anything about but be there for them. Fear is seeing my sister in the hospital, with tubes and IV's connected to her. Fear is not being able to help the people I care for the most. I have gone through plenty of things and have learned that you can't always help people, all you can do is be there for them. That is definitely the scariest thing of all.
Final Definition (posted RHS February 17 -- 171 February 19 ) Okay sorry for this being late! I couldn't figure out how to copy and paste it because I typed this in google docs and it doesn't use the same controls as would Microsoft Word or anything like that. I'm sooooo soooo sorry! Here's my essay!
What exactly is fear? Fear is something humans and animals alike experience throughout life and is a common emotion. The definition of fear that came from __www.dictionary.com__is “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc.,” When people experience this emotion, a lot of the time heart rate is increased and thoughts fly by in their mind. I like that you included the physical feeling of fear here, maybe you could incorporate this into your other examples of fear throughout your paper. Although, some people enjoy fear in ways you wouldn't expect. People ride roller coasters, which can give off a sense of fear and adrenaline as does going through haunted houses around Halloween time. An article I read online states that "people use horror movies to stimulate fear which in turn creates pleasure due to the fact that the fear is in the confines of safety".remember to site this! Many people do things to stimulate fear and adrenaline and both can be used in a positive way. When I first scuba dived, the fear is something you cannot even imagine. haha, I bet! but I'd like to know a little more information about this experience. Where were you scuba diving? What did you see? As I went underwater, I was so thrilled but at the same time I was scared. I didn’t want anything bad to happen but I also was so captivated by the world underwater and how different things are down there.I'm glad you provided a personal example of how you have experienced different sensations associated with fear. What specifically thrilled you?
Everyone feels fear and everyone interprets and deals with it differently. Some people are afraid of silly things like the dark, and getting shots at the doctor(like me) and some people are afraid of much heavier things like love and trusting people.What do you think makes people so afraid of love and trust? Is there an additional feeling that you think people get that balance out the fear like, for example when you scuba dived and felt thrilled and scared? Fear of the dark and shots however, is not as scary as love and trusting people and getting hurt from those things. What does that feel like? The dark can be quickly put out by turning on a light or going somewhere not dark and although getting shots is a physical pain and a maybe psychological fear of needles, it’s not anything that can’t be dealt with. Emotional fear is not as easy to explain to yourself or others.Good point! .Not everybody can rationalize fear, which makes it so interesting. It's not an easy emotion to feel and cope with because usually along with fear comes pain whether it be physical or emotional.
Fear has also been used as a form of manipulation and control. Leaders such as Lenin, Hitler and Mao used fear to dictate their countries. Also, during times of religious prosecution i.e. the Holocaust, Nazis used fear to control Jews and other denominations placed in death and work camps. Military forces use fear as a weapon to control soldiers and make them unafraid to kill another for fear of loss of life. I'm a little bit confused as to what you mean here. Are you saying that military forces use fear as a way to manipulate their soldiers into killing other people? Fear is also used in simpler ways. American culture puts out a standard as to what it’s citizens should look like, what movies should be watched and what actions people take should be acceptable.Who exactly would you say are the one's trying to control Western culture? And why do you think they are doing it? Everybody, aside from select few, no matter how much they say the don’t care what people think actually do. Can you give an example of when you have conformed to society's standards? People are afraid that if they don’t act a certain way or do certain things, nobody will like them. American society today put themselves in the place to be afraid of superficial ideas like what I mentioned above. Expand a little further, why are these superficial? How did American society insert themselves into that place of being afraid of superficial ideas?
Fear to me, however, is not dangerous or a threat. Fear to me is seeing my friends in pain and going through things I know I can't do anything about but be there for them. Fear is seeing my sister in the hospital, with tubes and IV's connected to her. Fear is not being able to help the people I care for the most. I have gone through plenty of things and have learned that you can't always help people, all you can do is be there for them. That is definitely the scariest thing of all.
Hey Katie!
I think your essay is really coming together! You did a nice job of showing the different kinds of fears and experiences people may go through when they are confronted with something they are afraid of. You definitely added a lot more and I'm so glad that you did, because your essay has a lot more bulk and information regarding your topic. Let me know if you are confused with any of my comments!
-Liz Reflection #1 (posted RHS February 20 -- 171 February 22)
This essay was very interesting to write. At first, I had no idea what I was doing but as I revised, I found it easier and easier to write. My topic is a very common one and I enjoyed looking for information about the subject. My writing developed a lot with my teacher and peer editing as well as Drake student edits. I tried to fit in figurative language but that is still a weak point for me that I could use a lot of help with, as well as diction and stronger language.
Rough Draft Comparison (posted RHS February 24 -- 171 February 26 )
Fear vs. Courage
Fear and courage are both states of mind that have very strong and very opposite characteristics but can go hand in hand, too. State of mind, expand on this. What does it mean that both fear and courage are of state of mind? Fear is something that people don't like to feel and often do anything to avoid feeling. In your previous paper you talked about fear and pleasure, does that at all tie into courage? Courage however, is what helps people take initiative to face their fears.Could you expand on what courage is here? Many people respect those who have the courage to face their fears and do what is right. A very general statement, why do we respect those that face their fears? How does courage tie into doing what is right? To be afraid, as mentioned in my previous essay, is the feeling of being in distress because of impending danger, evil, pain, etc. I don't think it necessary to talk about your prvious essay. I think restating what your definition of fear is again would be more useful to the reader. This is a common emotion because everyone has their own personal thing they are afraid of. Courage to face these fears is a very scary emotion as well because people do not like to be put in situations that are uncomfortable and unsafe. How do people build up the courage to face their fears? In the past, there have been many stories where people have displayed courage whether it be the martyrs in religious situations, firefighters going to save someone from a house fire, or even small acts of courage like facing fears of heights. Be more specific and expand on these kinds of stories. It will help give you more to discuss in your essay.
Sooo, I need help because I'm having major brain farts with this essay! I could use all the comments i can get. Thanks :)
Hey Katie,
First, I want to apologize for writing this a little bit late, I hope I didn't hold you back in anyway. Another thing I wanted to ask is if you did your reflection to your definition paper and just forgot to post it or something. It doesn't have to be long, I just need to comment on it for one of my assignments, so post it whene you can!
I like the theme of your comparison paper, I just think you need to make more comparisons. You mentioned that you were having major brain farts, and I've definitely been there. So, I think by adding in specific stories of people demonstrating courage to overcome their fear would really help bulk this piece up. I also would suggest examining further the differences and similariities between fear and courage. Your assignment asks for you to have a clear purpose and to make a point. Right now, as you already know, you don't have very much information to go off of to make a solid point, so I would suggest expanding the ways in which people experience fear and courage. I hope this helps!
-Liz
Revision Comparison (posted RHS March 2 -- 171 March 4)
Liz, sorry about the late essay! I had a busy weekend:/ But here's my essay and I also did my reflection up above that! Thank you. -Katie
Fear and courage are both states of mind that have very strong and very opposite characteristics but can go hand in hand, too. Fear is a negative state of mind that often holds people back from things because they are afraid of an impending danger, evil, pain, etc. Courage is a state of mind that helps people face their fears whether it be heights, needles or public speaking. Avoiding fears and facing fears are two very similar and very different things. Expalin further on why they are similar and different. I understand what you are saying, but I think you are making a very general claim.
Facing something that you are afraid of can be very hard. People have many things that scare them and put them in an uncomfortable place. For example, the recession.Interesting, why did you chose the recession in exemplifying fear? Many people in the United States fear losing jobs and losing their houses but many take the initiative to work hard and face that so they don't lose everything they work for. What are they facing, and how exactly are they facing it? Isn't this just a necessity for survival? It takes a lot of courage to go up against something that is bigger than one's self. Having the courage to face something that scares a person takes a lot of mental strength and optimism to put themselves in a position where they may not be comfortable. In the past, there have been many stories where people have displayed courage whether it be the martyrs in religious situations, firefighters going to save someone from a house fire, or even small acts of courage like facing fears of heights. Whether it be Joan of Arc or your average fireman, courage has helped these people to face what they are most afraid of and do what is right for the greater good. Many people respect those who face their fears because they know it takes a lot of strength and courage to do the right thing. I think you should pick from a couple of these examples and explain further how they were courageous and overcame their fear. Joan of Arc is a great example to showcase as well as the average fireman, or the person afraid of heights. I think by showing both ends of the spectrum you can better demonstrate how one's courage can differentiate from the next person while also providing evidence of how we as a society place those who are courageous at a heroic status.
Fear is something not easily defined nor is it easy to live with. Everybody has their own fears that hold them back from doing something they would otherwise do. The idea of fear has been used in the past with the Nazi's, dictators and other military or government forces. Fear makes people do almost anything to stay safe and in their comfort zones. On a much smaller scale, everyone is afraid of something.Repetitive. Many common fears include flying, heights, the dark, failure, rejection, and spiders(http://www.selfhelpcollective.com/top-10-fears.html). Sometimes, people even develop phobias, which is a fear that causes extreme anxiety to somebody. Expand further on phobias. How does this happen? Does a person's fear get worse and worse over time and eventually develop phobias? Some phobias include Ailurophobia, which is a fear of cats, Coulrophobia, which is a fear of clowns and Hobophobia, the fear of bums and beggars(http://phobialist.com/). So in this paragraph I think you are trying to demonstrate fear on a much smaller scale, which I think is a good idea. However, I think you need to be more specific in your examples. Rather than listing common fears, maybe you could expand on one or two of the most common fears and explain how they connect to courage.
Although courage and fear are very different, there is no courage without fear. Interesting statement. Is this your thesis? In order for someone to do something courageous, there has to be a fear and a reason behind the act. Timothy Luce states, "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear(www.dennydavis.net/poemfiles/courage.htm)." Explain what this quote means to you. Even though both are states of mind that entail very different things, one cannot exist without the other in human life. Having courage and having fear have very opposite characteristics but often exist side by side.
Katie,
Nice improvement on this draft! Hope this helps!
Liz Final Comparison (posted RHS March 9 -- 171 March 11)
Fear and courage are both states of mind that have very strong and very opposite characteristics but can go hand in hand, too. Fear is a negative state of mind that often holds people back from things because they are afraid of an impending danger, evil, pain, etc. Courage is a state of mind that helps people face their fears whether it be heights, needles or public speaking. Avoiding fears and facing fears are two very similar and very different things because you can't have one without the other. I think you need to be more clear on what your thesis is. Consider what you are trying to argue and what you want your reader to know by the end of your paper. I think you are trying to argue that you can't face your fears without courage, and I completely agree with that statement, just make sure you make it more clear.
Facing something that you are afraid of can be very hard. People have many things that scare them and put them in an uncomfortable place. For example, the recession. Many people in the United States fear losing jobs and losing their houses but many take the initiative to work hard and face that (instead of using the word "that" to sum up the problems, try to use a different set of words that flows better with your sentence) so they don't lose everything they work for. If people lose these things, they lose all sense of security they've ever had. Expand further, what is the sense of security lost? It takes a lot of courage to go up against something that is bigger than one's self. Having the courage to face something that scares a person takes a lot of mental strength and optimism to put themselves in a position where they may not be comfortable. Good, I think this is well said. In the past, there have been many stories where people have displayed courage whether it be the martyrs in religious situations, firefighters going to save someone from a house fire, or even small acts of courage like facing fears of heights. Whether it be (a little bit repetitive because you used this phrase in your last sentence) Joan of Arc or your average fireman, courage has helped these people to face what they are most afraid of and do what is right for the greater good. Many people respect those who face their fears because they know it takes a lot of strength and courage to do the right thing. I like that you include Joan of Arc as an example of someone facing their fears. Could you maybe explain further what one of her fears might have been and elaborate on how she overcame them? I think it would help strengthen your point that society respects those who are courageous and also connects back to your thesis, that you can't have courage without fear.
Fear is something not easily defined nor is it easy to live with. Everybody has their own fears that hold them back from doing something they would otherwise do. Any personal anecdotes that you could insert here?It might help show to the reader how fear can hold someone back from living their lives. The idea of fear has been used in the past with the Nazi's, dictators and other military or government forces. Fear makes people do almost anything to stay safe and in their comfort zones interesting point, I think you should explain this further. What exactly do you mean by comfort zones? How does it connect to fear? And how does fear control people to do almost anything to stay safe? Many common fears that go outside of comfort zones include flying, heights, the dark, failure, rejection, and spiders(http://www.selfhelpcollective.com/top-10-fears.html). Sometimes, people even develop phobias, which is a fear that causes extreme anxiety to somebody which a lot of the time stems from a personal experience that had a major impact on someone but sometimes it has almost no reason at all. Some phobias include Ailurophobia, which is a fear of cats, Coulrophobia, which is a fear of clowns and Hobophobia, the fear of bums and beggars(http://phobialist.com/).
Although courage and fear are very different, there is no courage without fear. In order for someone to do something courageous, there has to be a fear and a reason behind the act. Timothy Luce states, "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear(www.dennydavis.net/poemfiles/courage.htm)." (who is Timothy Luce?) This is very much correct because although someone may use courage to face their fear, they know that the fear may still be there, but was conquered once, therefore can be conquered again.Is this in your opinion that you believe his statement to be correct? If so, I think you should own it. State why you agree with Luce. Even though both are states of mind that entail very different things, one cannot exist without the other in human life. Having courage and having fear have very opposite characteristics but often exist side by side.
Katie,
I hope you had an awesome spring break! Sorry it took me forever to get back to you on this, I hope it didn't set you back. I think you have really improved and I'm so happy to see the many changes you made to your paper! I think your writing has progressed a ton and is much more organized and focused. I'm so proud of you! Something that might help you progress further is when explaining or introducing a new topic to your readers, don't just assume they know what you are talking about even if it seems common sense to you. For example, some readers might not know the story of Joan of Arc so providing a little bit of background info. on her story will help readers better understand how her story fits into your argument perfectly. Another thing to work on is sentence structure. After writing make sure to look over your work and make sure that your sentences flow nicely and you are using words that best communicate your argument to the reader. Again, I think you are really progressing! Keep up the good work!
-Liz
Reflection #2 (RHS March 16 -- 171 March 25)
I feel that with the help of my teacher's and drake partner's guidance especially, my writing has improved greatly. I still need some improvement in small things like diction and content.
Rough Draft Argument
Im sorry but this is a very rough draft and I'm having trouble arranging my ideas and what content to put into this.
Fear is a very widespread topic(a very general statement) that is just one of the emotions in the brain that help us understand human nature (you link fear to human nature but don't explain why they are linked why we should understand the relationship between the two). Oftentimes people don't believe they can conquer their fears but there are many ways to do so; the individual just doesn't have the courage to do so ( what is stopping these people from conquering their fears? is lack of courage the only reason why people have a hard time overcoming fears?) Many people with phobias also believe strongly that they cannot overcome said fear and move past it(How do you know this? Who are these people and why do they think this way? Provide evidence to back up this claim). What many don't realize is that there are ways to get over being afraid of something and there are many articles on how to do so. I'm not sure that I understand what your central argument is. Instead of beating around the bush try to be a little bit more aggressive in your writing, this presents to readers a more confident writer who should be taken seriously. By stating exactly what you want to argue and why you are choosing to make this argument will help motivate readers into reading your essay further and consider what you have to say. Are you trying to argue that people are fully able to conquer their fears if they are ready and willing to do the work that it entails to overcome that fear? Also, you say that there are "many articles" that teach someone how to conquer their fears, however this is not a very strong statement as it lacks content. In your intro you should also briefly state the various ways in which one can conquer their fears, this will give readers incentive to read on and also helps to structure your paper.
One article (use a credible source and specific quote) says that in order to face your fears, you can do things such as analyze it and move on, rationalize it, change the way you think/act, or confront it straight up and move on (What does it mean to analyze, rationalize, change the way you think, and confront a fear? Explain further what each step would entail and why these steps are necessary. In the article does it give specific examples of someone who confronted their fear in this way? If so what was their fear/phobia, and could these steps apply to all fears? What gave them the courage to finally face their fear?).People who move past these phobias are courageous (This is in your own opinion, and pretty general. I don't think its necessary to include this because it doesn't contribute to what you are trying to dispute). Many fears create obstacles that could create a whole new chapter in life if the fearer chose to open the book (Interesting statement, however I think you should reword it as it is sort of confusing. Are you making the claim that fear can be turned into a positive instead of a negative? And that the more time you take to research and try to understand yourself and your fear the more likely you are to overcoming that fear?). Many are not only afraid of the object, action or person but the risk (what is the risk?) it takes to look it in the face and say, "Hey, I'm not afraid of you. You're not all that scary." (How do you know this?). Many suffer anxiety and even the feeling of pain, all from being afraid of something (If this is true how does one overcome the physical symtoms that fear causes? Can those steps you mentioned above work in this sort of situation? You also need to provide evidence for this claim) Understanding and recognizing fear is the first way to overcome it but it can be done. (How does one go about understanding and recognizing fear? And how do you know that it can be done?)
Hey Katie, Sorry it took me a little while to look at your paper, hopefully my comments will help you out! You mention above that you are having some trouble with this piece and my suggestion to you is for you to figure out what exactly you your argument is. Right now, I think you have an idea of what you want to discuss, however it seems that you aren't quite sure how to go about discussing it. In this assignment I think you should focus on facts, because you can't really win an argument without the facts and evidence to back up your claim. Your rough draft has a lot of opinions and very little facts, when it should be the other way around. I also think you need to include more ways in which people have been able to overcome their fears, right now you only provide a step by step model (which you need to expand on further explain how each step works). Another element that I think would be beneficial to your argument is to discuss how the human body interprets fear. In other words, how do biological and cognitive factors come into play? Why do humans process fear in a particular way? Answering these questions will help support your claim if you can prove that fear is all, in a sense, "just in our heads" and that it really is something one can conquer over time and with the right approach.
See ya a bit later! Liz
Revision argument
Fear is a very widespread topic that is just one of the emotions in the brain that help us understand human nature. Fear is one of the main emotions that is studied most because it is also an instinct that many people don't understand about themselves. Oftentimes people don't believe they can conquer their fears but there are many ways to do so; the individual just doesn't have the courage to do so. Many people with phobias also believe strongly that they cannot overcome said fear and move past it. What many don't realize is that there are ways to get over being afraid of something and there are many articles on how to do so. Fear CAN be conquered, however hard it may seem.
One article says that in order to face your fears, you can do things such as analyze it and move on, rationalize it, change the way you think/act, or confront it straight up and move on. People who move past these phobias are courageous for being able to stand up and face it. Many fears create obstacles that could create a whole new chapter in life if one chooses to open the book. Many are not only afraid of the object, action or person but the risk it takes to look it in the face and say, "Hey, I'm not afraid of you. You're not all that scary." Many suffer anxiety and even the feeling of pain, all from being afraid of something. Understanding and recognizing fear is the first way to overcome it but it can be done.
Final Argument (posted RHS April 20 -- 171 April 23)
I apologize for being so late on this!!!
Fear is a very widespread topic (Still pretty general. What makes fear a widespread topic and how does it relate to human nature? Maybe instead, just write directly that: Fear is an emotion commonly experienced that helps us express how we feel in times of distress. Or something along those lines) that is just one of the emotions in the brain that help us understand human nature. Fear is one of the main emotions that is studied most because it is also an instinct that many people don't understand about themselves (Good thought, just reword to make it flow a little bit better). Oftentimes people don't believe they can conquer their fears but there are many ways to do so; (Such as?) the individual just doesn't have the courage (Define courage and explain how it relates to fear. I know it seems tedious, but you can't assume that people will always know what you mean) to do so. Lack of courage may be one reason (How do you know that lack of courage is a reason why people can't overcome their fears? Provide some evidence to support your claims to persuade your reader into agreeing with your argument) but people may also feel discouraged and not try to conquer a fear out of laziness or embarrassment (What would discourage them from conquering their fear? How does laziness and embarrassment factor in? Explain more). Many people with phobias (Whats the difference between fear and phobias?) also believe strongly that they cannot overcome said fear and move past it (Why can't they? How do you know this?) What many don't realize is that there are ways to get over being afraid of something and there are many articles (Are these articles the only source of information available on overcoming fears? If so what articles? Give a brief run down in your intoduction paragrapgh highlighting what specifically you will be explaining later in the essay. It will help you organize a piece that the reader will be able to follow much easier) on how to do so. Fear CAN be conquered, however hard it may seem.
One article (Cite your source- Give the title of the article and who wrote it) says that in order to face your fears, you can do things such as analyze it and move on, rationalize it, change the way you think/act, or confront it straight up and move on. Analyzing and rationalizing means (replace "means" with something like "suggests", or reword sentence to make it sound less choppy) that you think through to the root of what makes you so uncomfortable with the fear, rationalize why it makes you scared, and then think about why it may not actually be all that scary (Im glad you explained this a little bit more, however there are still instances where you assume the reader knows what you are talking about. I think if you provide an example of someone analyzing and then rationalizing their fears, it will make your argument much more convincing). Changing the way you think or act may be a more difficult way of getting over your fear but works too (How does this happen? Give another example of someone being able to change the way they think or act to confront their fears. In an argument paper you have to be able to back up all of your claims. I understand what you are trying to say, however you don't have me convinced as a reader. Give me the evidence that proves that changing ones action can help eliminate fear). Confronting it, however, seems (take out "seems", it takes away your authority as a writer) to be the hardest out of all of these options because it takes a lot to stand up and not be afraid anymore (What does this mean? Explain what confronting means and how it is different from changing one's actions/thinking, and analyszing and rationalizing fear. Why does it take a lot to "stand up" and not be afraid? Right now, you use more of your own opinions to back up your argument which makes it not as strong as it could be). Many fears create obstacles that could create a whole new chapter in life if one chooses to open the book (If I am right, I think I like what you are saying here. Are you saying that fears create obstacles which are beneficial in the long run but only if one tries to understand the self? I think that is very true). Many are not only afraid of the object, action or person but the risk it takes to look it in the face and say, "Hey, I'm not afraid of you. You're not all that scary." (Whats the risk specifically? Explain how this risk applies to your argument) Many suffer anxiety and even the feeling of pain, all from being afraid of something (How do you know this? Cite a source and explain how anxiety and pain relates to fear). Many have felt crippling fear from something, including me (Tell me more about crippling fear. How is that different from regular fear? and how can it be overome?). I have been able to overcome a fear of needles and shots because I used the analyze and rationalize method, which took a lot of courage for me to understand (Though I love to read personal anecdotes in writing, I don't think you should include personal experience in this piece. It gives your argument a less formal tone, which I think is pretty important when writing a persuasive paper. Instead give examples of people who have overcame fear through the ways in which you list throughout your paper. Explain what they went through when overcoming their fears and how they did it, and if you can, find some direct quotes from patients who overcame fear. It will really help sell your argument to the reader). Although I definitely still get nervous about getting shots, I don't feel scared when I see the needle because I know that it's there to help and not hurt. Understanding and recognizing fear is the first way to overcome it but it can be done.
Katie,
I'm not sure when you posted this, I haven't check this site in couple of days so if its been awhile I apologize. I hope you are doing well, its been awhile since we last chatted. I was sad that I didnt get to see you the last couple of times, but oh well. I could tell you did a little bit of changing since your rough draft, however there are still some things I would recommend fixing. I think the biggest issue I am having with your paper is your lack of evidence and content. I totally understand the message you are trying to deliver to readers, however you can't really back up your claims with only your opinions as it just won't sell as well. So, just get online and start researching! (its my favorite part of the writing process, I swear it's fun). Once you feel like you have enough evidence to back up your opinions on a patient being able to overcome fear, then add them to your paper. I usually try to shoot for 4-5 sources on the average paper and it usually gives me quite a bit of information to work with. Also try to find some personal examples of people overcoming their fears, quotes from them would help as well. Other than that, I would say to make sure you proofread before turning in and make sure your sentences flow nicely together. When its choppy, it isn't as much fun to read. I hope I was helpful!
-Liz
Reflection #3 (posted RHS April 23) The purpose of this writing was to write an argument about how you can conquer fears. I feel that I successfully argued this topic. My intended audience was an audience that did not believe fear can be conquered and I gave examples as to how the problem could be solved and an example about how I got over my fear of needles. The exigence is the fact that everybody has fears that can prevent them from doing something they'd otherwise like to do or need to do and I have learned from that and I want other people to learn from that. My writing draws attention to the key aspects of my message because I highlight solutions to conquer fears and give examples. The tone I had was informative and hopeful for the future of getting over my fears and that was prominent throughout my writing.
Hello there!
My name is Katie Vande and I am a junior at Roosevelt, which I assume you already knew. I've never really been asked to write about myself. I mean, of course I've gotten those essays like "write about an experience in your past which has affected you the most" and things like that but never a letter of introduction. I'm not going to lie, it's kind of awkward because I really don't know what to write. So I guess I'll just start with this. I have blonde hair(for now) and brown eyes. My family consists of my parents(obviously), my brother who is twelve and my sister who is six. They mean the world to me, especially my siblings because we've been through a lot together. Also, I'm into music and I got a guitar last year for Christmas but it's slow going because I don't take lessons, I'm learning it all by myself. I also golf for Roosevelt, which comes as a surprise to many of my peers and my closest friends make fun of me for it but I enjoy it so i don't really care. :)
Some of the classes I'm taking are AP English, physics and all the regular classes I should be taking, plus a senior class so I can get it out of the way and have less classes next year. I was in choir since freshman year and last semester but i got bored of that. Last year i was enrolled at Central Campus to take a Marine Biology course, which I absolutely loved. Learning about fish and aquatic life may not be interesting to most people but it's what I'm passionate about. I even went on a trip to the Bahamas over spring break and that was absolutely amazing. We scuba dived, snorkeled, stayed three days in a boat and about four days on land in cabins. We kayaked and swam and I came away with so many incredible stories from that trip. I cannot wait to go again this year! Currently I am in Aquarium Science, which is the next step up after Marine Bio, and I LOVE it. After I graduate, I am going to Florida for college to learn more about the field and hopefully go into it although I'm not really sure what exactly I want to do in the field.
But anyways, this semester I hope to gain a lot of insight from you on how to improve my writing because as you can see, I'm not very organized. I also need help with my diction which is a weak point for me. I really hope you can help me and I hope we enjoy our time together and learn some things from one another!
Sincerely,
Katie Vande :)
Hey Katie!
I'm so glad to hear from you! My name is Elizabeth, but most people just call me Liz. I am a senior at Drake majoring in English and looking forward to graduating this spring. I must admit I'm a bit intimidated by your interest in marine biology, it's awesome that you have a passion for something so complex and I wish you the very best of luck in pursuing what you love. I have always found writing to be my creative outlet and I try to write a little bit everyday and am very interested in learning what your take on writing is. Though I have a love for writing, I am very new to teaching and editing other peoples' writing. I have always seen writing as a very peronal experience and I don't think its fair to critique or change one's writing style if its not reflective of the writer. With that being said, I will do my best in helping you progress as a writer and I think we will both learn a lot from eachother this semester.
I work at a thrift store in East Village and absolutely adore my job. It's such a blast going through people's old clothes and antiques, I could not have asked for a better part-time gig. I love reading, watching movies (I'm a sucker for cheesy, old-time movies), thrifting, writing, and ofcourse spending time with my family and friends. I have a 19 year old sister who is an absolute blast to hang out with. We are completely different, but for some reason that makes us so much closer. My parents are a wonderful couple that I owe a great deal of appreciation for all that they have done for me. Growing up I was a gymnast for about twelve years but had to quit due to a back injury. Im very interested in hearing about your high school experience because I think I missed out on a lot in highschool. I was always either at the gym or doing schoolwork, it kind of sucked. I think thats enough about me. I am so excited to meet you and am very greatful for this opportunity.
Best Wishes,
Liz Roan
Personal Reflection on Topic of Inquiry(posted RHS January 27 -- 171 January 29)
I’ve often been told that writing can be difficult unless you write about something familiar to you, and that is what I’ve found to be true over the years. So just as a warning to you, I am writing about something very near and dear to my heart and I hope this is not too much for you to read or too heavy a thing to know about me because although it is a very close thing to me, it does not define me. It has however, made me the person I am today.I have always been very opposed to being in hospitals. Now stop, because I know what you're thinking. "What an odd way to start an essay! Doesn't everyone share a common dislike of hospitals?" You would think so. Well that being said, I absolutely hate them. The sterile environment with their fake happy wallpaper covering the walls in calming colors like blue and green doesn't cover up my incredible hatred for the place. Now don't take this the wrong way. I dislike the place but the people inside however, are incredible. They work magic.Now in my case, I have never had a surgery and the worst thing I have ever had to get was stitches. It is not me that I have been to the hospital for. It's my little sister, Lily. Lily was born with a very uncommon birth defect similar to a cleft palate. Her defect was on her lower mouth and jaw called a midline cleft of her mandible(or lower jaw bone). This is very rare and doctors will never see this again in their lifetime. When she was born, her jaw didn't connect at the bottom and so her bottom lip was in a V shape. Although it was a defect, I still saw her as beautiful.After my sister was born, she had a normal baby's life for the first six months. She had her milk out of a special bottle but that was the only thing different than what regularly happens with kids at that age. Around Christmas time though, she had her first surgery. It was ten and a half hours and the doctor, Dr. Franks, worked a miracle that not many other surgeons could have done and not many normal people would understand. He did work on her jaw, chin, tongue and trachea with bone and skin grafts. That day, I had school and yes, my parents made me go. Right after school, my grandma picked me up and we went right to the hospital, where my sister was still in surgery. After the long hours of waiting, my sister finally got out of the operating room to go to the recovery room. I didn't get to see her until she got to her room in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, or PICU for short to those who spend enough time in there like my sister and my family. When I finally saw her, I was scared. Granted, I was in fifth grade but seeing all the tubes, the IV and her mouth area was really shocking to me and I started to cry. That was, and still is, the worst part about her surgeries. I hate seeing my sister in so much pain even though it’s for her benefit.Within the month that she was in the hospital, she was moved from the PICU down the hallway, the the Pediatric Care Unit that was less intensive. She was given freedom to play in the toy room and move around as much as she was able to. After about a month, we all got to go home. My sister had a feeding tube and needed regular bandage changes and things like that for her chin/neck area. A lot of responsibility was then put on me to help around the house which I was glad to do if it helped my parents out. After that surgery, there have been five other minor surgeries involving work with her tongue, scar tissue and other things that I don’t quite remember or understand. My sister is now six years old and is still the most beautiful, happy little girl I have ever seen in my life. I honestly love her more than anything and sometimes that is a scary thing to let yourself do.You may ask yourself, as I have many times, “How do you stay strong through all of this, what helps you through it?” I do have a stronghold that I have found to be a great thing in my life for times when my sister has her surgeries and that is God. Now stop again, don’t think about this statement because many times I have been judged on my faith. I don’t want to lecture you about God or tell you what to believe because as with all humans, my belief in Him is very shaky at times and I’m not one to convert anyone to any religion. It’s not my place. However, I was raised in a Catholic household and went to a Catholic school for the majority of my time in school and was always told there was a God and not to doubt it. I did doubt though. Who are these people telling me what to believe and what not to believe? What right do they have? I honestly did not believe it. I was cynical from day one. The time I really started to believe there was a God was the night after Lily’s first surgery. I prayed and prayed all day, hoping everything would come out okay and it did. Now maybe the success of the surgery and all of those to come after wasn’t due to God at all but to the surgeons but I have to say, I think he had his hand in it a little bit. My baby sister is a miracle straight from him and I know that were it not for him, she would not be the happy blessing that she is today.I still have a long time left to fully develop my faith and what I really believe because as you know, everything is not what it seems. I do, at times of hardships, doubt that there is a God and curse him for the things that are brought upon me or that I bring upon myself. I am not perfect in any way and I still have to explore what I believe. Right now I believe in God, but a lot of the time I struggle with that. So here is the real question I ask myself on occasion when I start thinking deeply about things. God or no God, what keeps me the strong young woman I am today?
Katie,
I really enjoyed reading your piece, I think you do a terrific job interacting with the reader. Like you, I enjoy writing as if I were having a conversation with the person reading my writing. Your story is a remarkable one and it must have been a very hard time for you and your family. With that being said I think you should further describe how painful and scary this was for you as her older sister. When you mention the great deal of responsibility you had to take on made me wonder what exactly you had to endure and what you felt at the time. As a young girl, I'm sure this experience was extremely overwhelming and confusing which is why I think you should make it a main focus in your piece. I also wondered about the rarity of her birth defect and why exactly doctors would never encounter it again. I think by further explaining her rare condition and tying in your experience as the older sister would make your piece even stronger. I'm not sure you need so much information on your faith. I think that you should definitely mention it's effect on you and your experience, but I think it might also take the focus away from your story.
Again, I think you did a great job and I look forward to meeting you tomorrow!Liz
Rough Draft Definition (posted RHS February 3 -- 171 February 5)
A note: Mr. Johnson, Mrs. Lange or Liz, being the first to post this, i have no idea if I'm hitting the prompt for this correctly so please please please correct me if I'm wrong! I also need help with going deeper into this topic so any feedback or advice from anyone would be great, and my rough draft is not all that good. But anyways! Help?! Thank you :)
What exactly is fear? Fear is something humans and animals alike experience throughout life and is a common emotion. The definition of fear that came from google is "an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat." Im not sure how reliable a source google is, maybe instead provide a definition from a legitimate site. When people experience this emotion, a lot of the time heart rate is increased and thoughts fly by in their mind. Although, some people enjoy fear in ways you wouldn't expect. People ride roller coasters, which can give off a sense of fear and adrenaline. An article I read online states that "people use horror movies to stimulate fear which in turn creates pleasure due to the fact that the fear is in the confines of safety". Can you provide a personal anecdote on how fear has been somewhat exhilerating for you to better explain how fear can be understood as a way for people to feel pleasure? Haunted houses put on around Halloween time are also used for that purpose. I think what you are trying to say is that fear is ultimately undefinable as it takes on so many meanings and depends on the person or situation. With that being said I really like that you chose "fear" as the focus of your definititon paper. I think it will give you a lot to write about because it is so universally different between people.
Everyone feels fear and everyone interprets and deals with it differently. Which is why fear is so interesting. Some people are afraid of silly things like the dark(like me) and some people are afraid of much heavier things like love and trusting people.What makes your fear of the dark inferior to the fear of love or trust? It's not an easy emotion to feel and cope with because usually along with fear comes pain whether it be physical or emotional. Expand further, what are some more ways that people experience fear both emotionally and physically?
Fear to me, however, is not dangerous or a threat. Fear to me is seeing my friends in pain and going through things I know I can't do anything about but be there for them. Fear is seeing my sister in the hospital, with tubes and IV's connected to her. Fear is not being able to help the people I care for the most. I have gone through plenty of things and have learned that you can't always help people, all you can do is be there for them. That is definitely the scariest thing of all. Great!
Katie,
Great work! I am really glad that you chose to write about fear as I believe it is truly a human emotion that is the most interesting. I think you are off to a great start here, I would just recommend elaborating on the different types of fear that people experience and maybe provide examples from your own experience. I think your last paragraph gave the most information about you as the writer who has experienced a type of fear that many of us have never had to experience. When you reveal a bit of yourself in your writing, I feel better connected to you and can sympathize and learn from your experiences.
-Liz
Hi, Katie! This is Ms. Lange -- you are posting this perfectly. Thanks so much for getting it up early :) !
Revision Definition (posted RHS February 10 -- 171 February 12 )
What exactly is fear? Fear is something humans and animals alike experience throughout life and is a common emotion. The definition of fear that came from google is "an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat." When people experience this emotion, a lot of the time heart rate is increased and thoughts fly by in their mind. Although, some people enjoy fear in ways you wouldn't expect. People ride roller coasters, which can give off a sense of fear and adrenaline. An article I read online states that "people use horror movies to stimulate fear which in turn creates pleasure due to the fact that the fear is in the confines of safety". Haunted houses put on around Halloween time are also used for that purpose.
Everyone feels fear and everyone interprets and deals with it differently. Some people are afraid of silly things like the dark(like me) and some people are afraid of much heavier things like love and trusting people.? It's not an easy emotion to feel and cope with because usually along with fear comes pain whether it be physical or emotional.
Fear to me, however, is not dangerous or a threat. Fear to me is seeing my friends in pain and going through things I know I can't do anything about but be there for them. Fear is seeing my sister in the hospital, with tubes and IV's connected to her. Fear is not being able to help the people I care for the most. I have gone through plenty of things and have learned that you can't always help people, all you can do is be there for them. That is definitely the scariest thing of all.
Final Definition (posted RHS February 17 -- 171 February 19 )
Okay sorry for this being late! I couldn't figure out how to copy and paste it because I typed this in google docs and it doesn't use the same controls as would Microsoft Word or anything like that. I'm sooooo soooo sorry! Here's my essay!
What exactly is fear? Fear is something humans and animals alike experience throughout life and is a common emotion. The definition of fear that came from __www.dictionary.com__is “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc.,” When people experience this emotion, a lot of the time heart rate is increased and thoughts fly by in their mind. I like that you included the physical feeling of fear here, maybe you could incorporate this into your other examples of fear throughout your paper. Although, some people enjoy fear in ways you wouldn't expect. People ride roller coasters, which can give off a sense of fear and adrenaline as does going through haunted houses around Halloween time. An article I read online states that "people use horror movies to stimulate fear which in turn creates pleasure due to the fact that the fear is in the confines of safety".remember to site this! Many people do things to stimulate fear and adrenaline and both can be used in a positive way. When I first scuba dived, the fear is something you cannot even imagine. haha, I bet! but I'd like to know a little more information about this experience. Where were you scuba diving? What did you see? As I went underwater, I was so thrilled but at the same time I was scared. I didn’t want anything bad to happen but I also was so captivated by the world underwater and how different things are down there.I'm glad you provided a personal example of how you have experienced different sensations associated with fear. What specifically thrilled you?
Everyone feels fear and everyone interprets and deals with it differently. Some people are afraid of silly things like the dark, and getting shots at the doctor(like me) and some people are afraid of much heavier things like love and trusting people.What do you think makes people so afraid of love and trust? Is there an additional feeling that you think people get that balance out the fear like, for example when you scuba dived and felt thrilled and scared? Fear of the dark and shots however, is not as scary as love and trusting people and getting hurt from those things. What does that feel like? The dark can be quickly put out by turning on a light or going somewhere not dark and although getting shots is a physical pain and a maybe psychological fear of needles, it’s not anything that can’t be dealt with. Emotional fear is not as easy to explain to yourself or others.Good point! .Not everybody can rationalize fear, which makes it so interesting. It's not an easy emotion to feel and cope with because usually along with fear comes pain whether it be physical or emotional.
Fear has also been used as a form of manipulation and control. Leaders such as Lenin, Hitler and Mao used fear to dictate their countries. Also, during times of religious prosecution i.e. the Holocaust, Nazis used fear to control Jews and other denominations placed in death and work camps. Military forces use fear as a weapon to control soldiers and make them unafraid to kill another for fear of loss of life. I'm a little bit confused as to what you mean here. Are you saying that military forces use fear as a way to manipulate their soldiers into killing other people? Fear is also used in simpler ways. American culture puts out a standard as to what it’s citizens should look like, what movies should be watched and what actions people take should be acceptable.Who exactly would you say are the one's trying to control Western culture? And why do you think they are doing it? Everybody, aside from select few, no matter how much they say the don’t care what people think actually do. Can you give an example of when you have conformed to society's standards? People are afraid that if they don’t act a certain way or do certain things, nobody will like them. American society today put themselves in the place to be afraid of superficial ideas like what I mentioned above. Expand a little further, why are these superficial? How did American society insert themselves into that place of being afraid of superficial ideas?
Fear to me, however, is not dangerous or a threat. Fear to me is seeing my friends in pain and going through things I know I can't do anything about but be there for them. Fear is seeing my sister in the hospital, with tubes and IV's connected to her. Fear is not being able to help the people I care for the most. I have gone through plenty of things and have learned that you can't always help people, all you can do is be there for them. That is definitely the scariest thing of all.
Hey Katie!
I think your essay is really coming together! You did a nice job of showing the different kinds of fears and experiences people may go through when they are confronted with something they are afraid of. You definitely added a lot more and I'm so glad that you did, because your essay has a lot more bulk and information regarding your topic. Let me know if you are confused with any of my comments!
-Liz
Reflection #1 (posted RHS February 20 -- 171 February 22)
This essay was very interesting to write. At first, I had no idea what I was doing but as I revised, I found it easier and easier to write. My topic is a very common one and I enjoyed looking for information about the subject. My writing developed a lot with my teacher and peer editing as well as Drake student edits. I tried to fit in figurative language but that is still a weak point for me that I could use a lot of help with, as well as diction and stronger language.
Rough Draft Comparison (posted RHS February 24 -- 171 February 26 )
Fear vs. Courage
Fear and courage are both states of mind that have very strong and very opposite characteristics but can go hand in hand, too. State of mind, expand on this. What does it mean that both fear and courage are of state of mind? Fear is something that people don't like to feel and often do anything to avoid feeling. In your previous paper you talked about fear and pleasure, does that at all tie into courage? Courage however, is what helps people take initiative to face their fears.Could you expand on what courage is here? Many people respect those who have the courage to face their fears and do what is right. A very general statement, why do we respect those that face their fears? How does courage tie into doing what is right? To be afraid, as mentioned in my previous essay, is the feeling of being in distress because of impending danger, evil, pain, etc. I don't think it necessary to talk about your prvious essay. I think restating what your definition of fear is again would be more useful to the reader. This is a common emotion because everyone has their own personal thing they are afraid of. Courage to face these fears is a very scary emotion as well because people do not like to be put in situations that are uncomfortable and unsafe. How do people build up the courage to face their fears? In the past, there have been many stories where people have displayed courage whether it be the martyrs in religious situations, firefighters going to save someone from a house fire, or even small acts of courage like facing fears of heights. Be more specific and expand on these kinds of stories. It will help give you more to discuss in your essay.
Sooo, I need help because I'm having major brain farts with this essay! I could use all the comments i can get. Thanks :)
Hey Katie,
First, I want to apologize for writing this a little bit late, I hope I didn't hold you back in anyway. Another thing I wanted to ask is if you did your reflection to your definition paper and just forgot to post it or something. It doesn't have to be long, I just need to comment on it for one of my assignments, so post it whene you can!
I like the theme of your comparison paper, I just think you need to make more comparisons. You mentioned that you were having major brain farts, and I've definitely been there. So, I think by adding in specific stories of people demonstrating courage to overcome their fear would really help bulk this piece up. I also would suggest examining further the differences and similariities between fear and courage. Your assignment asks for you to have a clear purpose and to make a point. Right now, as you already know, you don't have very much information to go off of to make a solid point, so I would suggest expanding the ways in which people experience fear and courage. I hope this helps!
-Liz
Revision Comparison (posted RHS March 2 -- 171 March 4)
Liz, sorry about the late essay! I had a busy weekend:/ But here's my essay and I also did my reflection up above that! Thank you. -Katie
Fear and courage are both states of mind that have very strong and very opposite characteristics but can go hand in hand, too. Fear is a negative state of mind that often holds people back from things because they are afraid of an impending danger, evil, pain, etc. Courage is a state of mind that helps people face their fears whether it be heights, needles or public speaking. Avoiding fears and facing fears are two very similar and very different things. Expalin further on why they are similar and different. I understand what you are saying, but I think you are making a very general claim.
Facing something that you are afraid of can be very hard. People have many things that scare them and put them in an uncomfortable place. For example, the recession.Interesting, why did you chose the recession in exemplifying fear? Many people in the United States fear losing jobs and losing their houses but many take the initiative to work hard and face that so they don't lose everything they work for. What are they facing, and how exactly are they facing it? Isn't this just a necessity for survival? It takes a lot of courage to go up against something that is bigger than one's self. Having the courage to face something that scares a person takes a lot of mental strength and optimism to put themselves in a position where they may not be comfortable. In the past, there have been many stories where people have displayed courage whether it be the martyrs in religious situations, firefighters going to save someone from a house fire, or even small acts of courage like facing fears of heights. Whether it be Joan of Arc or your average fireman, courage has helped these people to face what they are most afraid of and do what is right for the greater good. Many people respect those who face their fears because they know it takes a lot of strength and courage to do the right thing. I think you should pick from a couple of these examples and explain further how they were courageous and overcame their fear. Joan of Arc is a great example to showcase as well as the average fireman, or the person afraid of heights. I think by showing both ends of the spectrum you can better demonstrate how one's courage can differentiate from the next person while also providing evidence of how we as a society place those who are courageous at a heroic status.
Fear is something not easily defined nor is it easy to live with. Everybody has their own fears that hold them back from doing something they would otherwise do. The idea of fear has been used in the past with the Nazi's, dictators and other military or government forces. Fear makes people do almost anything to stay safe and in their comfort zones. On a much smaller scale, everyone is afraid of something.Repetitive. Many common fears include flying, heights, the dark, failure, rejection, and spiders(http://www.selfhelpcollective.com/top-10-fears.html). Sometimes, people even develop phobias, which is a fear that causes extreme anxiety to somebody. Expand further on phobias. How does this happen? Does a person's fear get worse and worse over time and eventually develop phobias? Some phobias include Ailurophobia, which is a fear of cats, Coulrophobia, which is a fear of clowns and Hobophobia, the fear of bums and beggars(http://phobialist.com/). So in this paragraph I think you are trying to demonstrate fear on a much smaller scale, which I think is a good idea. However, I think you need to be more specific in your examples. Rather than listing common fears, maybe you could expand on one or two of the most common fears and explain how they connect to courage.
Although courage and fear are very different, there is no courage without fear. Interesting statement. Is this your thesis? In order for someone to do something courageous, there has to be a fear and a reason behind the act. Timothy Luce states, "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear(www.dennydavis.net/poemfiles/courage.htm)." Explain what this quote means to you. Even though both are states of mind that entail very different things, one cannot exist without the other in human life. Having courage and having fear have very opposite characteristics but often exist side by side.
Katie,
Nice improvement on this draft! Hope this helps!
Liz
Final Comparison (posted RHS March 9 -- 171 March 11)
Fear and courage are both states of mind that have very strong and very opposite characteristics but can go hand in hand, too. Fear is a negative state of mind that often holds people back from things because they are afraid of an impending danger, evil, pain, etc. Courage is a state of mind that helps people face their fears whether it be heights, needles or public speaking. Avoiding fears and facing fears are two very similar and very different things because you can't have one without the other. I think you need to be more clear on what your thesis is. Consider what you are trying to argue and what you want your reader to know by the end of your paper. I think you are trying to argue that you can't face your fears without courage, and I completely agree with that statement, just make sure you make it more clear.
Facing something that you are afraid of can be very hard. People have many things that scare them and put them in an uncomfortable place. For example, the recession. Many people in the United States fear losing jobs and losing their houses but many take the initiative to work hard and face that (instead of using the word "that" to sum up the problems, try to use a different set of words that flows better with your sentence) so they don't lose everything they work for. If people lose these things, they lose all sense of security they've ever had. Expand further, what is the sense of security lost? It takes a lot of courage to go up against something that is bigger than one's self. Having the courage to face something that scares a person takes a lot of mental strength and optimism to put themselves in a position where they may not be comfortable. Good, I think this is well said. In the past, there have been many stories where people have displayed courage whether it be the martyrs in religious situations, firefighters going to save someone from a house fire, or even small acts of courage like facing fears of heights. Whether it be (a little bit repetitive because you used this phrase in your last sentence) Joan of Arc or your average fireman, courage has helped these people to face what they are most afraid of and do what is right for the greater good. Many people respect those who face their fears because they know it takes a lot of strength and courage to do the right thing. I like that you include Joan of Arc as an example of someone facing their fears. Could you maybe explain further what one of her fears might have been and elaborate on how she overcame them? I think it would help strengthen your point that society respects those who are courageous and also connects back to your thesis, that you can't have courage without fear.
Fear is something not easily defined nor is it easy to live with. Everybody has their own fears that hold them back from doing something they would otherwise do. Any personal anecdotes that you could insert here? It might help show to the reader how fear can hold someone back from living their lives. The idea of fear has been used in the past with the Nazi's, dictators and other military or government forces. Fear makes people do almost anything to stay safe and in their comfort zones interesting point, I think you should explain this further. What exactly do you mean by comfort zones? How does it connect to fear? And how does fear control people to do almost anything to stay safe? Many common fears that go outside of comfort zones include flying, heights, the dark, failure, rejection, and spiders(http://www.selfhelpcollective.com/top-10-fears.html). Sometimes, people even develop phobias, which is a fear that causes extreme anxiety to somebody which a lot of the time stems from a personal experience that had a major impact on someone but sometimes it has almost no reason at all. Some phobias include Ailurophobia, which is a fear of cats, Coulrophobia, which is a fear of clowns and Hobophobia, the fear of bums and beggars(http://phobialist.com/).
Although courage and fear are very different, there is no courage without fear. In order for someone to do something courageous, there has to be a fear and a reason behind the act. Timothy Luce states, "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear(www.dennydavis.net/poemfiles/courage.htm)." (who is Timothy Luce?) This is very much correct because although someone may use courage to face their fear, they know that the fear may still be there, but was conquered once, therefore can be conquered again.Is this in your opinion that you believe his statement to be correct? If so, I think you should own it. State why you agree with Luce. Even though both are states of mind that entail very different things, one cannot exist without the other in human life. Having courage and having fear have very opposite characteristics but often exist side by side.
Katie,
I hope you had an awesome spring break! Sorry it took me forever to get back to you on this, I hope it didn't set you back. I think you have really improved and I'm so happy to see the many changes you made to your paper! I think your writing has progressed a ton and is much more organized and focused. I'm so proud of you! Something that might help you progress further is when explaining or introducing a new topic to your readers, don't just assume they know what you are talking about even if it seems common sense to you. For example, some readers might not know the story of Joan of Arc so providing a little bit of background info. on her story will help readers better understand how her story fits into your argument perfectly. Another thing to work on is sentence structure. After writing make sure to look over your work and make sure that your sentences flow nicely and you are using words that best communicate your argument to the reader. Again, I think you are really progressing! Keep up the good work!
-Liz
Reflection #2 (RHS March 16 -- 171 March 25)
I feel that with the help of my teacher's and drake partner's guidance especially, my writing has improved greatly. I still need some improvement in small things like diction and content.
Rough Draft Argument
Im sorry but this is a very rough draft and I'm having trouble arranging my ideas and what content to put into this.
Fear is a very widespread topic(a very general statement) that is just one of the emotions in the brain that help us understand human nature (you link fear to human nature but don't explain why they are linked why we should understand the relationship between the two). Oftentimes people don't believe they can conquer their fears but there are many ways to do so; the individual just doesn't have the courage to do so ( what is stopping these people from conquering their fears? is lack of courage the only reason why people have a hard time overcoming fears?) Many people with phobias also believe strongly that they cannot overcome said fear and move past it(How do you know this? Who are these people and why do they think this way? Provide evidence to back up this claim). What many don't realize is that there are ways to get over being afraid of something and there are many articles on how to do so. I'm not sure that I understand what your central argument is. Instead of beating around the bush try to be a little bit more aggressive in your writing, this presents to readers a more confident writer who should be taken seriously. By stating exactly what you want to argue and why you are choosing to make this argument will help motivate readers into reading your essay further and consider what you have to say. Are you trying to argue that people are fully able to conquer their fears if they are ready and willing to do the work that it entails to overcome that fear? Also, you say that there are "many articles" that teach someone how to conquer their fears, however this is not a very strong statement as it lacks content. In your intro you should also briefly state the various ways in which one can conquer their fears, this will give readers incentive to read on and also helps to structure your paper.
One article (use a credible source and specific quote) says that in order to face your fears, you can do things such as analyze it and move on, rationalize it, change the way you think/act, or confront it straight up and move on (What does it mean to analyze, rationalize, change the way you think, and confront a fear? Explain further what each step would entail and why these steps are necessary. In the article does it give specific examples of someone who confronted their fear in this way? If so what was their fear/phobia, and could these steps apply to all fears? What gave them the courage to finally face their fear?).People who move past these phobias are courageous (This is in your own opinion, and pretty general. I don't think its necessary to include this because it doesn't contribute to what you are trying to dispute). Many fears create obstacles that could create a whole new chapter in life if the fearer chose to open the book (Interesting statement, however I think you should reword it as it is sort of confusing. Are you making the claim that fear can be turned into a positive instead of a negative? And that the more time you take to research and try to understand yourself and your fear the more likely you are to overcoming that fear?). Many are not only afraid of the object, action or person but the risk (what is the risk?) it takes to look it in the face and say, "Hey, I'm not afraid of you. You're not all that scary." (How do you know this?). Many suffer anxiety and even the feeling of pain, all from being afraid of something (If this is true how does one overcome the physical symtoms that fear causes? Can those steps you mentioned above work in this sort of situation? You also need to provide evidence for this claim) Understanding and recognizing fear is the first way to overcome it but it can be done. (How does one go about understanding and recognizing fear? And how do you know that it can be done?)
Hey Katie,
Sorry it took me a little while to look at your paper, hopefully my comments will help you out! You mention above that you are having some trouble with this piece and my suggestion to you is for you to figure out what exactly you your argument is. Right now, I think you have an idea of what you want to discuss, however it seems that you aren't quite sure how to go about discussing it. In this assignment I think you should focus on facts, because you can't really win an argument without the facts and evidence to back up your claim. Your rough draft has a lot of opinions and very little facts, when it should be the other way around. I also think you need to include more ways in which people have been able to overcome their fears, right now you only provide a step by step model (which you need to expand on further explain how each step works). Another element that I think would be beneficial to your argument is to discuss how the human body interprets fear. In other words, how do biological and cognitive factors come into play? Why do humans process fear in a particular way? Answering these questions will help support your claim if you can prove that fear is all, in a sense, "just in our heads" and that it really is something one can conquer over time and with the right approach.
See ya a bit later!
Liz
Revision argument
Fear is a very widespread topic that is just one of the emotions in the brain that help us understand human nature. Fear is one of the main emotions that is studied most because it is also an instinct that many people don't understand about themselves. Oftentimes people don't believe they can conquer their fears but there are many ways to do so; the individual just doesn't have the courage to do so. Many people with phobias also believe strongly that they cannot overcome said fear and move past it. What many don't realize is that there are ways to get over being afraid of something and there are many articles on how to do so. Fear CAN be conquered, however hard it may seem.
One article says that in order to face your fears, you can do things such as analyze it and move on, rationalize it, change the way you think/act, or confront it straight up and move on. People who move past these phobias are courageous for being able to stand up and face it. Many fears create obstacles that could create a whole new chapter in life if one chooses to open the book. Many are not only afraid of the object, action or person but the risk it takes to look it in the face and say, "Hey, I'm not afraid of you. You're not all that scary." Many suffer anxiety and even the feeling of pain, all from being afraid of something. Understanding and recognizing fear is the first way to overcome it but it can be done.
Final Argument (posted RHS April 20 -- 171 April 23)
I apologize for being so late on this!!!
Fear is a very widespread topic (Still pretty general. What makes fear a widespread topic and how does it relate to human nature? Maybe instead, just write directly that: Fear is an emotion commonly experienced that helps us express how we feel in times of distress. Or something along those lines) that is just one of the emotions in the brain that help us understand human nature. Fear is one of the main emotions that is studied most because it is also an instinct that many people don't understand about themselves (Good thought, just reword to make it flow a little bit better). Oftentimes people don't believe they can conquer their fears but there are many ways to do so; (Such as?) the individual just doesn't have the courage (Define courage and explain how it relates to fear. I know it seems tedious, but you can't assume that people will always know what you mean) to do so. Lack of courage may be one reason (How do you know that lack of courage is a reason why people can't overcome their fears? Provide some evidence to support your claims to persuade your reader into agreeing with your argument) but people may also feel discouraged and not try to conquer a fear out of laziness or embarrassment (What would discourage them from conquering their fear? How does laziness and embarrassment factor in? Explain more). Many people with phobias (Whats the difference between fear and phobias?) also believe strongly that they cannot overcome said fear and move past it (Why can't they? How do you know this?) What many don't realize is that there are ways to get over being afraid of something and there are many articles (Are these articles the only source of information available on overcoming fears? If so what articles? Give a brief run down in your intoduction paragrapgh highlighting what specifically you will be explaining later in the essay. It will help you organize a piece that the reader will be able to follow much easier) on how to do so. Fear CAN be conquered, however hard it may seem.
One article (Cite your source- Give the title of the article and who wrote it) says that in order to face your fears, you can do things such as analyze it and move on, rationalize it, change the way you think/act, or confront it straight up and move on. Analyzing and rationalizing means (replace "means" with something like "suggests", or reword sentence to make it sound less choppy) that you think through to the root of what makes you so uncomfortable with the fear, rationalize why it makes you scared, and then think about why it may not actually be all that scary (Im glad you explained this a little bit more, however there are still instances where you assume the reader knows what you are talking about. I think if you provide an example of someone analyzing and then rationalizing their fears, it will make your argument much more convincing). Changing the way you think or act may be a more difficult way of getting over your fear but works too (How does this happen? Give another example of someone being able to change the way they think or act to confront their fears. In an argument paper you have to be able to back up all of your claims. I understand what you are trying to say, however you don't have me convinced as a reader. Give me the evidence that proves that changing ones action can help eliminate fear). Confronting it, however, seems (take out "seems", it takes away your authority as a writer) to be the hardest out of all of these options because it takes a lot to stand up and not be afraid anymore (What does this mean? Explain what confronting means and how it is different from changing one's actions/thinking, and analyszing and rationalizing fear. Why does it take a lot to "stand up" and not be afraid? Right now, you use more of your own opinions to back up your argument which makes it not as strong as it could be). Many fears create obstacles that could create a whole new chapter in life if one chooses to open the book (If I am right, I think I like what you are saying here. Are you saying that fears create obstacles which are beneficial in the long run but only if one tries to understand the self? I think that is very true). Many are not only afraid of the object, action or person but the risk it takes to look it in the face and say, "Hey, I'm not afraid of you. You're not all that scary." (Whats the risk specifically? Explain how this risk applies to your argument) Many suffer anxiety and even the feeling of pain, all from being afraid of something (How do you know this? Cite a source and explain how anxiety and pain relates to fear). Many have felt crippling fear from something, including me (Tell me more about crippling fear. How is that different from regular fear? and how can it be overome?). I have been able to overcome a fear of needles and shots because I used the analyze and rationalize method, which took a lot of courage for me to understand (Though I love to read personal anecdotes in writing, I don't think you should include personal experience in this piece. It gives your argument a less formal tone, which I think is pretty important when writing a persuasive paper. Instead give examples of people who have overcame fear through the ways in which you list throughout your paper. Explain what they went through when overcoming their fears and how they did it, and if you can, find some direct quotes from patients who overcame fear. It will really help sell your argument to the reader). Although I definitely still get nervous about getting shots, I don't feel scared when I see the needle because I know that it's there to help and not hurt. Understanding and recognizing fear is the first way to overcome it but it can be done.
Katie,
I'm not sure when you posted this, I haven't check this site in couple of days so if its been awhile I apologize. I hope you are doing well, its been awhile since we last chatted. I was sad that I didnt get to see you the last couple of times, but oh well. I could tell you did a little bit of changing since your rough draft, however there are still some things I would recommend fixing. I think the biggest issue I am having with your paper is your lack of evidence and content. I totally understand the message you are trying to deliver to readers, however you can't really back up your claims with only your opinions as it just won't sell as well. So, just get online and start researching! (its my favorite part of the writing process, I swear it's fun). Once you feel like you have enough evidence to back up your opinions on a patient being able to overcome fear, then add them to your paper. I usually try to shoot for 4-5 sources on the average paper and it usually gives me quite a bit of information to work with. Also try to find some personal examples of people overcoming their fears, quotes from them would help as well. Other than that, I would say to make sure you proofread before turning in and make sure your sentences flow nicely together. When its choppy, it isn't as much fun to read. I hope I was helpful!
-Liz
Reflection #3 (posted RHS April 23)
The purpose of this writing was to write an argument about how you can conquer fears. I feel that I successfully argued this topic. My intended audience was an audience that did not believe fear can be conquered and I gave examples as to how the problem could be solved and an example about how I got over my fear of needles. The exigence is the fact that everybody has fears that can prevent them from doing something they'd otherwise like to do or need to do and I have learned from that and I want other people to learn from that. My writing draws attention to the key aspects of my message because I highlight solutions to conquer fears and give examples. The tone I had was informative and hopeful for the future of getting over my fears and that was prominent throughout my writing.